Free Reprint Articles

Posts Tagged ‘grief recovery counseling’

During my practice years I saw numerous individuals who were dealing with the loss of a loved one, be that a spouse, life partner, child, friend, parent or close relative. The grieving person usually showed up in a state of shock not knowing what to do with all these feelings that were emerging from within. At one time I had two couples on the caseload where one of the partners had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and only had a few months to live. Each of these situations were difficult and challenging in their own way.

With these latter couples, we would discuss what was happening and how each of them was dealing with their feelings. The diagnosed partner seemed to have the easier time, having accepted their illness and the eventual fatal consequences. I saw this type of reaction in my own family with a terminally ill brother-in-law and my sister. It was always the surviving partner who had the most difficulty with the situation because they would have to go on alone.

With counselling of any sort, the goal is to LISTEN! Not just the hear the words an individual was speaking, but to identify the Feelings behind them. When I would reflect back to the individual I always began with sounds like youre feeling ” sad, angry, scared, anxious, depressed ” whatever it was they were conveying. I would then ask them to check in to see if what I said was accurate. It usually was.

Then I would instruct them to pay attention to that particular feeling and tell me more about it. They would then describe their feelings in detail along with whatever physical reactions might be attached to it. Tears would begin to flow as they related the physical and emotional reactions they were experiencing. This was the essence of my counselling approach for persons in grief, no matter what the precipitating circumstances.

Sometimes grieving individuals would want to know about Stages and other matters they had heard about in relation to grief, and I would just steer them back to their feelings. Once they realized that this was more important, it became easier for them to go there themselves and accept that sharing, feeling and crying were in their best interest. After a few sessions of working with their feelings the process became more acceptable. Many of these individuals would later report that keeping in touch with their feelings had many advantages and helped them with other aspects of their life.

We are programmed toward externals by our various sources of news that like to talk about charts, graphs, theories and stages. These tantalizing tidbits are geared toward boosting ratings or adding another “Top Ten Ways to Heal Grief” book to the self-help section of bookstores. A helpful grief recovery resource will focus on Internals, such as feelings and emotions, because that’s always where the hurt lies. Our Heart and Feeling Center determines the quality of our life and tells us when we are hurting. By focusing inward we identify and release feelings, along with the associated pain. Writing in a journal, listening to good music, reading heart-centered poetry will put you in touch with Your Heart because that’s where healing actually happens.

A well written grief recovery book can become an excellent counselling companion as long as it is designed to put you in touch with your feelings. A fully narrated grief resource can take you even further. Since the feelings associated with grief and bereavement are so intense, youre practically there. Just a little push and the guidance counselling resource book and youre on your way. For most of us, all we need is Permission to Feel. Our heart and soul will take it from there because we have engaged our body and feeling natures innate healing capability.

Trying to apply externals to an internal problem is futile. It only serves to distract us from the real issue which our feelings will gladly tell us about. Thankfully, counselling and a well crafted book resource will re-acquaint you with your feeling state and guide you through the process of grief recovery, just as any good grief counsellor would.

You now have what you need to heal your grief. You will recover from this tragedy and great loss. You will become intimately acquainted with your Heart and Feeling Centre. You will come to a point where you can think about your loved one and smile. Because when the hurt is finally healed, what remains with you is the love you carry in your heart, and that is forever.